Illegal alien UCLA student protests budget cuts. This is not a story from the Onion, but rather in the LA Times.

There's a funny story in the LA Times. But not for the reasons that one typically considers a story funny. The story is about UC funding cuts to education. It quotes an 18-year-old "undocumented student from Peru" (in other words, an illegal alien, one who is not authorized to be in the nation) who "asked how she was supposed to finish her studies if tuition keeps rising." She's quoted as saying, ""Tell me," she said, "how I'm supposed to do that. Please!"

Yes, I will tell you, Sofia Campos. First, as the story says, you're an undocumented student--in other words, an illegal alien. You are not supposed to be here, so I highly recommend that you leave. Go back to Peru, and then apply to come back to the US legally (although I would prefer that you remain in Peru: your habits are certainly not in keeping with the American spirit). Second, you are living in a free country: perhaps if you spent less time protesting, you would go out and find a way to earn a living. Do something. Stop complaining.

Third, why do you think it is up to other individuals within the nation to pay your tuition? They don't care about your education: but you do. You're the one who benefits, so you should pay for it. It is time to show some independence and find a way to pay for things on your own. Grow up--and stop being a whiner. Fourth, tell me, Sofia Campos, how can the taxpayers of California continue to fund more and more demands for government, to the point in which the state is nearly bankrupt trying to fulfill your requests (the state budget deficit is now $24 billion)? Where are you when taxes go up? You probably are not among those who are screaming about how costs are going up. Stop being selfish, Sofia Campos of the world, and look out for yourself, and stop demanding that another person live for your sake. No one wants to be your slave.

Struggling typewriter manufacturers to ask for a federal bailout.

Please note: The following is satire.

Congress recently passed the $700 billion Troubled Assets Relief Program (TARP) to help struggling financial firms. Recent lobbyists have asked that this program be extended to state and local governments, as well as the automobile industry. And now there is another political player asking for a bailout: The Typewriter Manufacturers Association of America. Steve Oldkey, the spokesman for the Typewriter Manufacturers Association of America, recently said that "it is only fair that if Congress allocate funds to failing enterprises that it also subsidize an industry that has been failing for a longer period of time than AIG or GM."

Steve Oldkey believes that the typewriter manufacturers within the United States should receive $5 billion from taxpayers to keep the manufacturing plants churning out typewriters that no one is eager to buy. "Unlike Ford, our labor costs are rather low. The only problem is that no one is buying our products. However, with a federal bailout, we can continue to manufacture millions of beautiful typewriters that are made with the highest of quality."

Congress is having a difficult time deciding the issue. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has said that several of her San Francisco constituents have asked that the typewriter industry receive a federal bailout, especially the non-electric ones. "We all know that we must do our part to reduce greenhouse gases. Therefore, it only makes sense that we bailout the struggling typewriter manufacturers, especially the non-electric ones, since this will help to reduce global warming through reducing electrical usage," Speaker Pelosi said. Privately, Pelosi also added that she likes failing companies like the typewriter manufacturers precisely because it gives her "a sense of power, the feeling that I am actually in charge of an industry and contributing to their success" even though all she has done is shift money from the productive sector of the economy to the failing part.

Democrats fail at running government-run education bureacracy in LA.

Government-run LAUSD is by far one of the largest failures in government enterprises. According to the nonpartisan publication education week, the graduation rate at LAUSD is less than 44% after four years! This means that a majority of students do not graduate from LAUSD! Have you ever heard of a business that has a failure rate of more than 50%? Most businesses have a failure rate less significantly less than 1%!

As a result, I was pleased to hear that government-run LAUSD will have budget cuts possibly in the amount of $400 million. Why? Well, where does that $400 million come from? It comes from the private efforts of those within the productive and successful parts of the economy, who are forced, through the point of a gun, to turn over their earnings to the failed enterprise known as LAUSD.

It will be a good day in America when the government finally accepts defeat and withdraws from the business of indoctrinating (err-educating) America's school children. To improve education, government support for education must end so that the private sector can work.

Democrats want to steal your 401(k).

I just read a story that was quite troubling. As many of you know, this current financial crisis is one that has been largely created through poor and incompetent government policies, including (but not limited to): the Federal Reserve, under Alan Greenspan, holding interest rates at a fairly low level for an extended period of time; rules that required banks to suspend normal lending practices that required the bank to lend money to borrowers who have the ability to pay, and instead replacing it with a government edict that those who could not possibly pay their mortgage back receive mortgages as well; then, there is the creation of the government enterprises--Freddie and Frannie Mae, which would buy the bad mortgages from the banks and securitize them (and thus, sell them all over the world); and, last but not least, the government also had a list of "approved" credit agencies who would then rate the credit worthiness of these bad mortgages, which meant that the supply of useful information related to these mortgages was rationed and restricted by the government.

OK. So the government created this mess, and the stock market has obviously taken a hit due to the uncertainty that this has brought. But never fear, for the government has more ideas on how to wreck your life.

Now, the government is looking at your 401(k) plan, and they are thinking about ways that they can take over and control your 401(k) plan because you are not managing it as well as the government could. Yes, everyone's 401(k) is quite low at this point in time. However, anyone who is invested in the market should realize that wild swings are a normal part of market participation. There are a great deal of benefits to waiting if you're presently invested. Those who hold their equities for the long-term can expect returns of 7-8% per year, adjusted for inflation. As everyone knows by now, the Social Security system has guaranteed far more than it can ever possibly expect to pay in the future. In other words, Social Security is going to go broke at some point in the future. However, not to fear, as the government actually wants to take over your 401(k) and convert it into a government-managed system. What would be the great benefit from such a deal? Well, according to the article I just read in the LA Times (available here), you would be guaranteed an "inflation-adjusted 3%" return. Wow! Now that is a wonderful deal, isn't it? You hand over all of your life savings to the government in exchange for an "inflation-adjusted 3% return." Sounds like socialism to me. If you hand it over to the government, though, don't expect them to hold your money. More likely than not, they would take your loot, and spend it, which is exactly what Congress has done with the Social Security surplus.

Dear young Obama voter: you're drafted. Ha! Serves you right!

Dear Young Obama voters: I know you were very excited about Obama during the election season. Turns out, Obama has plans for you, young voter. Yes! His plan is to draft you into compulsory "national service"--like taking out the trash in your local area and working with stinky homeless bums. I'm not joking at al! If you're between the ages of 18-26, Obama will draft you. You can read all about it here.

American people elect Hussein Obama to Presidency. We will provide consistant, principled opposition to this dangerous man.

Sadly, the American people voted for an unqualified and deeply flawed man with the worst associations imaginable. B. Hussein Osama Obama will be the 44th President for one-term. In the mean time, we need to provide articulate conservative arguments in opposition to the socialist agenda that he will advance. We will stand on the side of liberty, while Obama can take the side of a crushing state that will try to take as much of your income, limit the options of consumers to buy the car that they prefer, whether you should join a labor union, and even what type of job that you take on. We will oppose all of this. And liberty will win.

Obama wants to bankrupt your industry. He hates American energy companies.

In this sound clip, you can see that Obama wants to literally bankrupt a particular sector of the American economy--coal. The cavalier manner in which he states that he will impose such tough regulations that it will literally "bankrupt" an American industry shows that he truly has contempt for a large number of Americans. As we have always said here, it is literally true that Democrats hate America, and here is just more proof.

When Obama is done bankrupting coal, he is going to come after your industry and bankrupt that one as well. This man will not be done until he bankrupts every industry and forces them to become slaves to the federal government.