Wednesday, February 04, 2009

President Obama proposes 100% tax rate to respond to the financial crisis.

President Obama is taking new decisive measures in order to respond to the financial crisis and improve the overall economy. President Obama wants to impose a new tax rate of 100% on the "rich," which sources say will include those who make more than $30,000 a year. "We cannot continue to allow people to continue to earn an unlimited sum of money. It is time that we impose -- for all time, a sensible tax rate in order to provide the government with enough spending power to provide jobs to the 500 million Americans who lose their jobs each month," President Obama has said. Further, Obama has stated that, with the imposition of this new tax rate, he will be able to provide a stimulus much larger than the present proposal of $1 trillion dollars. Instead, President Obama's aides have stated that this will enable for a stimulus closer to around $9 trillion, or about 65% of the entire US economy. "This way, almost every dollar in America will be controlled by my administration. Considering that I won 52% of the national popular vote in 2008, it makes sense that I would control most of the economy."

President Obama spends a lot of time in the White House, and he says that he has become a bit tired of just spending $1 trillion every few weeks. He says that "it would be a lot more exciting if I was able to spend substantially more, especially because, by virtue of my education from Harvard, I am able to more wisely spend $9 trillion than 300 million Americans acting in pursuit of their self-interest." As a result, Obama has asked that individuals turn over 100% of their income above $30,000. A new IRS bill is pending to increase the size and scope of the IRS in order to chase the selfish Americans who actually believe that they are permitted to keep the income that they earn. "We need a new IRS bill in order to confiscate all income in excess of $30,000. This will stimulate the economy by hiring more workers at the IRS."

President Bush famously lowered the top marginal tax rate from 39.% to 35%. This was a mistake, says, President Obama. Philosophically, this would cause Americans to become more accustomed to taking care of their own interests, including raising their family, paying their bills (including their mortgage) on their own, and this would eventually result in Americans having less of an interest in government programs. "What we need to do is to condition Americans to be aware of the great benevolence of government workers and the programs they administer. People are just "not appreciate enough of how tirelessly government workers are thinking about the interests of the 300 million Americans they serve," said Obama. For instance, when government bureaucrats are not taking their twentieth coffee break of the day, occasionally they are downloading pornography, which is also a huge stimulus for the economy. President Obama also believes that Americans work far too much and have too many items in their homes. "We believe that by imposing this new 100% tax rate, we will make homes a lot more comfortable since there would be a lot less furniture and additional television sets and computers," President Obama said. After all, the public needs more IRS buildings, and it would be unfortunate to deny us the opportunity to hire more workers just because selfish Americans wanted to have more tasteless furniture in their homes.

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